The Hell's Gate
by Aiiro Hoshi
Summary: One Shot. The glass in Edward's auto-mail hand shattered; not that it registered in his mind. He couldn't feel it, after all...


**Brief Commentary:  
**I reread this again, and while I still like it, I thought it could seriously use some fixing up. So here is the revised edition of _The Hell's Gate_. And you know, a lot of songs can go well with this - in particular, I think listening to 'Lux Aeterna' (composed by Clint Mansell and the version preformed by the Kronos Quartet) is good too. Although another version (involving an entire orchestra) would be good, too. :) Enjoy, eh?

* * *

**The Hell's Gate  
**_One Shot_

Edward could easily recognize it it; that loathsome, omniscient figure with a terrifying grin. It was simple to infer that this...this Truth knew every sin one could have possibly committed. Its slick, calculating, and cold voice broke the silence of the Gate.

"Fool; I see you have returned a third time. Perhaps for the bodies you and your brother paid with, all those years ago? How shameless of you. What have you to offer for such a sinful bargain?"

Edward felt sweat trickle down his spine as he fumbled to grasp something in his pants pocket, and pulled out a small, blood-red stone. Extending the shaking hand that clasped it towards the Truth, and keeping his voice as composed as possible, he said,  
"Here, the Philosopher's Stone."

The Truth was suddenly in front of him, a wide, malicious smirk revealing white teeth. However, the smirk was all that he could really see - the rest of the Truth's face was too unremarkable to be noticed, and therefore Edward was unable to make out any further details.

"Maybe you remember, Alchemist. The last time you used the Philosopher's Stone was for the use of passage for three living beings; two humans and a homunculus. You emerged unscathed, is that right?" it leered at him. The mocking tone it used terrified him. Had he gotten it wrong? Would the Philosopher's Stone not work? Had his and Al's years of blood, sweat and tears to find the goddamn rock all been in vain?  
"But you see, this time, you are asking for an entire human body, two human limbs, and a mind, _as well_ as safe passage back. Do you honestly think that this stone will be enough for all that you ask?"  
Edward found he could not respond, his pupils rapidly deteriorating as horror quickly became the foremost emotion in his mind.

"Well, if you are honestly that much of a pitiful person, than I shall make a deal. The Philosopher's Stone will barter for the passage, body, and limbs. However, a mind is not something replaced by physical elements; it is consciousness. So…" the Truth grinned again. "Your mind will be exchanged for this one, eh?"

_No!_ Edward wanted to cry out. _The Philosopher's Stone was supposed to make sure nothing like this would happen! I don't want to lose my mind; just keep Al's! He won't care!_  
But those were terribly, sinfully selfish thoughts; and Edward pushed them into the far reaches of his conscious. Instead, the boy swallowed the bile clogging his throat and whispered,

"What if I did not ask to barter for the two human limbs?"

"Hmm, perhaps you are not as much of a fool as I thought first you were, Alchemist. Well then, maybe the most you would lose would be your sanity? Without the two human limbs, the body and passage will still be paid, and half of the mind. The rest will be paid with something of your own."

Before Edward could utter another word, much less another sound, a familiar, terrifying feeling began to overwhelm him. Greedy arms started to envelop his body, dragging him back into the opening Gate behind him. He let out a rattled gasp of fear as the twin doors closed immediately after he was inside. Edward was pulled even further into the overwhelming darkness, until he could not remember a time where there had been light to guide his eyes.

_Several months later…_

"Ed?" a soft taping noise sounded on the opposite side of the door. He couldn't help but flinch as an image of the double stone doors flashed in his vision, before he shook his head and murmured a soft,  
"Come in."

Not to his surprise, it was Winry, carefully balancing a plate with food in one hand and a glass of water in the other. How she had opened the door without kicking it open or using either hand was unfathomable to him.

"How are you today?"  
"I'm…getting by."  
"How did you wake up this morning?" the auto-mail mechanic asked carefully. He knew what she really meant; it was rather unnecessary for her to try and mask it. '_What _did you wake up _from_ this morning?'  
Pausing to sip out of the glass that Winry have given to him, Edward's face appeared even more weary than before.  
"It was the time when I…" he trailed off, then shook his head. "It was just...nothing."

"Ed, you always say that," Winry sighed and shook her head, gently setting the plate on the night stand beside the bed. "Can't you tell me? It won't be so hard on you, then."

He felt his stomach clench, and his right, metallic hand shook as he tightened his hold on the glass. He turned his head away, not caring as his bangs shadowed his face and brushed into his eyes. Edward could almost sense Winry's exasperation with him; he understood it and felt an immense wave of guilt overwhelm him. He really didn't have a right to keep it from her. She was concerned for him after all, but he was too ashamed to tell her every sinful act he had ever committed... Edward didn't want her to look down on him for it.

"Ed...please..." Winry knelt in front of him, pushing his bangs away to peer into his eyes. He averted them to the floor, refusing to meet her pleading gaze. Several minutes passed before she breathed loudly through her nostrils and her eyes narrowed into a glare. As she stood to leave, she muttered,

"You talked to me all the time before your mother passed away, didn't you?"

The glass in Edward's auto-mail hand shattered; not that it registered in his mind. He couldn't feel it, after all. Winry stared at him in alarm; his eyes were wide with horror, his shoulders shaking violently and blood dripping quietly in a few places he had actually been cut by the glass shards.

_Mother...mother...mother...mom...mom...momma...MOTHER!_

His mind erupted with every sin he had dirtied himself with concerning his mother; every single one.

Studying with a younger, human Alphonse, to find the ingredients for a human transmutation...the two drops of blood shed for the 'soul's information'...the Gate...oh, God, the Gate...the Truth...that haunting face, the white shape...then...blood. Blood, toppled armor, and a grotesque figure lying...no, convulsing on the floor...finally dying after several long seconds of terror, and by his unintentional doing...

Edward failed to notice the hysteric screams escaping his lips as he clutched his head in agony, crouched over the floor as his pupils became distinctly white-rimmed.

"Ed! Edward!" Winry's voice was shrill as she fell again into a kneel on the floor. She clutched, terrified, at his clothes and hair in a fruitless effort to restrain him as she continued to cry, "Calm down, please! Al - Alphonse! Where is he?! Ed! Please, stop! I'm sorry...I'm so sorry! _Alphonse! _I'm so sorry, Ed, please, calm down!"

Within moments, his brother's human shape appeared in the doorway, observing the scene with panicked eyes. Darting forward, Alphonse grasped for his brothers upper-arms, desperate to make some sort of visual contact with him.  
"Nii-san! Nii-san, calm down!_ Nii-san, stop it!_"

Edward clawed at the air blindly, his wide, stricken gaze staring past his little brother at something they could not see. Little moans of dread and terror escaping his lips as his entire body spasmed.

"No...no, mom..." Alphonse barely made out the jumbled words coming from his mouth. As he strained his ears and barely managed to comprehend him, he felt his spine prickle with horror. Unnerved, he spoke repeated, almost hysteric assurances as he gripped his brother's arms more tightly,  
"Nii-san, it's okay! Mom says it's _okay! _She knows you didn't mean it! Mom forgives you! It's okay, Nii-san!"

Edward stared at him in disbelief, his face contorted with pain and an amount of guilt Alphonse did not think was possible to see in any one person's emotions.  
"A...are you sure, Al?" he whispered, his eyes beginning to blurr; probaby with tears.

"Yes, it's okay, Nii-san, don't worry. Mom forgives you."

"...she...she does...oh...oh." Edward very nearly cried out with relief, burying his face in his hands. He tried to hide the salty, warm droplets of water streaming down his face as his body shook from the strain. "I'm so sorry...so...sorry..."

"Ed..." Winry circled her arms around his neck as best she could (for she sat beside him, and he was hunched over), leaning her head onto his shoulder and whispering, "I'm sorry for saying what I said...I was...being unreasonably mad...I'm so sorry, I really am."

"It's not your fault, Winry," he murmured, bowing his head as he stared sightlessly at the floor. His face twisted with the grief he felt as his shoulders continued to shake. Before it would have been extremely uncommon for one to see Edward Elric's emotions etched into his face...but this was not before.

"That damn Truth!" Winry hissed through unshed, lowering her arms to grip around his torso. "You didn't deserve that, Ed, you sure as hell did not! I swear if I ever meet that Truth bastard, I'm gonna-" Here she was broken off by her own sobbing, Ed looking up warily.

"Please don't say that, Winry...I don't want you to...meet the Truth...it's...no, just please...don't meet him." He stared dismally at her, obviously distressed at the idea.

"Okay...okay, Ed, I won't," she quietly assured him, hugging him gently before asking him to get up. "You need to calm down a little bit, then you can eat, all right?"

He nodded distractedly, and sat down in a small wooden chair facing the doorway, his pupils glazed over as he observed said doorway. Both Winry and Alphonse had quickly discovered that whenever Edward closed his eyes (even to blink), another sin would flash in his consciousness.  
It horrified the two of them, but they had quickly learned that there was nothing they could do; as Alphonse explained, it was Edward's punishment for his sins. His acts of treason against the Gate, against nature or morals, would also trigger when any key words that had to do with the act would be spoken within Edward's hearing range.  
Winry's intended violence towards the Truth was certainly justified.

"We'll go back downstairs, all right?"

Edward nodded again and glanced this time in their direction, smiling weakly and muttering a soft,  
"Sorry, again."

They smiled at him and shook their heads in return, each murmuring a comforting "No, no, don't worry," before they left through the bedroom door, leaving it open just so.

They were probably relieved to be away from him, Edward reflected. He was losing his sanity, after all, and he knew it was hard for them to handle his panic attacks.  
Edward felt a familiar heaviness on his shoulders at the thought. He was a terrible burden on those two...he understood that they cared for him, but it would probably make life easier for the both of them if he just...died.

The older Elric glanced thoughtfully at a near-by letter opener...perhaps _that_...but no, no. The Truth would sneer at him for trying to escape his punishment with death and send him back to the world of the living. He would just have to patiently wait out the remainder of his life, like any brave, sensible person would do. Edward only hoped that he would die early because of an illness or other natural cause - at only nineteen, the terror-filled life he had ahead of him would be long, otherwise.

Bleakly, he reflected aloud,  
"I'd rather have been a soulless vegetable than a man who constantly worries those who care for him with his self-inflicted insanity.  
"Honestly, Truth..." here Edward winced as he envisioned the omniscient shape, "..._I'm_ the one being punished."

* * *

_In short (for the math/alchemy otakus out there):_

_Philosophers Stone: Safe passage, 1 Human Body, 2 Human Limbs  
Human Mind: Alchemist - Alchemist's Mind_

_OR_

_Philosophers Stone: Safe passage, 1 Human Body, 1/2 Human Mind  
1/2 Human Mind: Alchemist - 1/2 Alchemist's Mind_


End file.
